My War Is Over
by Jadewing47
Summary: The Avengers wait for Loki to wake in his cell, but when he does, Tony comes to a realization. This is sorta a song-fic, and it's my first so leave tips please. WARNINGS: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, RAPE, TORTURE, and POSSIBLE SELF HARM.
1. Chapter 1

_Here stands a man_

 _At the bottom of a hole a hole he's made_

 _Still sweating from the rush_

 _His body tense_

 _His hands, they shake_

 _Oh this, this is a mad boy_

Maybe it's the cold that finally wakes him from a dreamless sleep, far from rest, but the closest form of sleep Loki has been in years; drugs.

He isn't particularly fond of them. His mind is, or was, his greatest weapon. He cares not for the fogginess Midgardian drugs leave with him, or the fact that he is unable to truly control himself when under their influence. Which he really should be used to, Loki muses, as he's been under the influence of Thanos for years. It's then, when his breaths start to come fast, body betraying him by trembling, when he notices the borderline painful press of metal on his tongue; restricting its movement. This only drives Loki into further panic, as perhaps they plan to sew his lips shut again. Loki struggles to take deep breaths, not wanting anyone to know of his plight. Surely, with this knowledge and the knowledge of his true biology, they would deliver him right back to Thanos, and never turn their backs. He could handle Asgardian torture, but not Thanos.

Not again.

 _Here stands a man_

 _With a bullet in his clenched right hand_

 _Don't push him son_

 _For he's got the power to crush this land_

 _Oh hear, hear him cry, boy_

"He's awake." came Natasha's clipped tone, startling the other Avengers. Eyes turned to the muzzled god, still laying on the floor of the cell where they had dumped him, the only noticeable difference now was the fallen god's harsh breathing.

"Loki." Thor's voice boomed, and the god's shoulders tensed by a fraction.

"Loki, we know you are awake. Get up." The thunder god continued. There was no "brother", only "Loki". Tony couldn't explain why that made him feel a bit sick, but he was sure his face was green when Loki finally did rise, slowly. Loki's face mirrored perfect sadness. He swayed slightly as he rose to his feet, yet straightened his posture as though afraid to be reprimanded for not, taking a few steps towards Thor. When he did so, Clint and Natasha drew their guns, and Loki froze. He seemed to be contemplating something, and Tony watched his eyes drift from longing to quiet despair. He stepped backwards, though seemed unsure of himself.

Tony was sure he'd seen that longing before.

"You will be returning with me to Asgard, Loki, where father will decide your fate." Thor declared. Tony watched, stupefied, as fear surged through Loki's eyes. His posture seemed to stiffen, as though bracing himself. _It's just an illusion, a lie, he wants you to pity him until you drop your guard._ But Tony couldn't help but doubt that...until he finally noticed what was amis. With that sudden revelation, he let out a scream of anger, taking in Loki's slight flinch and hating himself for it; hating the team.

How were they such idiots?

"Open the doors! Open the goddamn doors right now!" Tony screamed again. The others stared at him in slight suspicion, and Loki stared at him with dread. Tony knew that dread, he'd felt that dread. But it wasn't just that in which enraged Tony. No, no.

It was the green gaze that portrayed such emotion.

Fucking _green_ eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

"Tony, stop!" Natasha commanded, hand gripping her gun. Thor turned to face Loki, his face red with anger.

"Loki stop! Release your control of Stark, or I shall make you!" He bellowed. Loki's face drained of color and he swayed on his feet, but he did nothing, and could not speak.

"Now Loki!" Thor banged his fist hard against the cell, and it promptly shattered. Clint drew his bow, pointing the arrow at Loki's neck, however the Trickster did not move from his tense position.

"What kind of brother are you?" Tony shouted into Thor's face. The thunder god turned to him and frowned deeply, as though he didn't understand why Tony would ask such a thing.

"His eyes aren't weird like Clint's were..." Bruce said, trailing off at the end, however everyone heard him.

The room grew quieter.

"I asked, what _pathetic_ excuse of a brother are you?!" Tony shouted again, eyes wide and nostrils flaring. He couldn't remember being this angry in his life.

"Friend, if you are nay being controlled, I know not what you speak of..." Thor trailed off.

"How long have you lived with Loki, Thor?! How long?" Tony was waving his hands, left leg twitching slightly as he spared a glance at the trickster; still standing exactly where he was, though it looked like he might pass out at any given moment.

"I-" Thor was promptly cut off by Tony's next words.

"I pretty fucking long time I think."

"Aye, but-" Again he was cut off.

"Tony-" Steve began but was ignored.

"So how could you not remember what color his eyes are?"

A deadly silence filled the room, seizing it's occupants in a choke hold, and remaining there. Thor stood, his mouth open slightly, eyes fixed on Tony with a mix of shock, confusion, and dread on his face. Clint had lowered his bow, Natasha her gun, and the rest of the Avengers stood in quiet horror, staring at Thor with disgust. It was when Loki crashed to his knees, a tormented whine emitting from his bound mouth, breaths coming in short gasps, that the silence was broken and Tony leapt into action, running through the barrier of broken glass and catching Loki before he fell further. Loki panicked, beginning to struggle in Tony's arms, pleading something that the surrounding Avengers could not make out. Tony did not relinquish his grip on the god's torso, and could not explain his sudden protective urge over Loki. Reaching behind his head, Tony unclasped the muzzle that covered the crying god's mouth. At that, Loki went scarily still.


	3. Chapter 3

Tony tossed the muzzle across the room, and Loki remained frozen. His eyes were blown wide with fear, yet he did not tremble.

"Hey, Reindeer Games, you with me?" Tony asked softly. When he was granted no response, Tony tried again.

"Hey, Lokes, talk to me." Tony tried again, shaking Loki gently. When he did not respond to that, Tony tried giving a soft pat to Loki's cheek. This granted him a reaction, but perhaps not the kind he wished.

"It's time, is it not?" Loki whispered, blinking suddenly, staring at the ground unmoving.

"Huh?" Tony's brow lifted.

"I will not struggle, I promise. Just please make it quick. I won't struggle...I-I promise." Loki trailed off, a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Loki, what are you talking about?" Tony asked, his hands never relinquishing their grip on the smaller god's torso.

"You are going to s-sew my lips shut again, are y-you not?" He asked, eyes glassy. Tony felt nauseous.

 _You are going to sew my lips shut again._

 _Again._

 _Again._

Tony wanted to punch something, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bruce go slightly green.

"No, no, no Lokes. Shit, we'd never do something like that. Fuck Loki, no!" Tony exclaimed. Loki sagged at that.

"Oh." Was all the fallen god offered in reply, before tensing up again and coughing. Scarlet speckles flew from his mouth and sprinkled Tony's shirt with color. Loki looked horrified, and his shaking increased.

"I'm sorry!" Loki practically squeaked, blood dribbling down the corner of his mouth.

"It's okay Lokes-" Tony started, but was cut off before he could finish.

"ENOUGH! I refuse to believe in tricks any longer! Loki is no longer my brother...I lost him long ago. But he _will_ face punishment for his crimes back in Asgard, I assure you!" Thor boomed, striding up towards Loki. Tony immediately put himself between the two, a need to protect the smaller god overpowering him. Perhaps it was the look in Loki's eyes. Tony remembered that look; he saw it every night he woke from a nightmare, sweat dripping down his neck and tears on his cheeks as he stared at his reflection in the mirror; eyes begging not to be harmed, begging for protection. He knew to a certain degree, how Loki felt, most likely more than anyone ever would, and he wanted to fix it.

Tony didn't want anyone else to suffer the way he did.

"No." Was all Tony said, a fire in his eyes as he stared all the other Avengers down. Thor opened his mouth to protest, but Steve came to the rescue, pulling the thunder god away, something about beer and a "good talk". Tony owed him one.

Turning back to Loki, he realized the god's eyes were drifting shut, ever so slowly.

"Hey, Lokes, don't pass out on me now. I just need you to stay awake a little longer, do that for me, kay?" Loki moaned but complied anyway. Tony draped the younger god's arm over his shoulder, and gently pulled him to his feet. Even with the support, Loki swayed, his knees shaking.

"Bruce!" Tony called, his voice getting slightly high as Loki's knees began to buckle. Tony's trusted science bro was suddenly at Loki's side, supporting him as well.

"Brucey, I need you to play doctor for Lokes here," Tony asked, beginning to half carry, half drag Loki to the guest floor.

Bruce rolled his eyes, "Tony I'm not that kind of Doctor...but I'll do my best." So the trek to the guest floor/new infirmary began.

Dignity be damned.


	4. Chapter 4

For the sixth time in the past three hours, Tony Stark emptied his stomach in the bathroom across from the infirmary. He'd seen many horrid sights before throughout his life; torture, rape, abuse, neglect, etc. but never before had he seen such an extent of things on the god across the hall from him. Tony blindly groped out for the role of toilet paper and hastily wiped his face free from sweat. He rose shakily to his feet, gripping the sink for support, and rinsed out his mouth with cold water. He then made his way back to Loki, who had mercifully passed out about five minutes ago. Bruce was standing a few feet away from them, glaring at a set of scans with pure _rage_ in his eyes, the tips of his ears a dark green. He was taking huge, deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself.

"Bruce?" Tony tentatively called out, his steps halting as he reached his god. _His god,_ Tony's brain reminded him. As they had lead Loki into the infirmary, he had taken one look at the place before crumbling in their arms, a mess of tears and broken pleas for mercy. At that moment Tony had made a silent pledge to keep Loki safe. Loki was his, and no one would ever lay a sore finger on him again.

Bruce turned to face him, and tears were threatening the corners of his eyes, which were tinted slightly green.

"How could they...whoever did...he's...Tony, he should be dead." Bruce stuttered out, his fists shaking as he attempted to calm himself.

"Whoever the fuck did this, when I'm done with them they'll wish they'd never laid eyes on Loki," Tony growled, absentmindedly taking Loki's hand into his own.

"Tony, Fury wants a team meeting, he wants to "interrogate" Loki before sending him back to Asgard." Bruce murmured, "I...I can't...".

"I'll do it." Tony saved Bruce after some hesitation. Tony didn't want to leave Loki, but those bastards need to know who's the real bad guy here.

"I'll make sure he's okay while you're gone," Bruce said softly, giving Tony a long look. Tony nodded stiffly, giving Loki one last look before turning to leave.

* * *

When Tony walked through the black doors of the conference room, every Avenger went dead silent. Even Nick Fury paused midsentence, fixing Tony with an incredulous stare. On any other day, Tony would have been rolling on the floor laughing. He supposed a silent Tony Stark was a scary sight indeed. Tony could only imagine what his face looked like, as he had set it into an emotionless stare, though rage still burned in his eyes. Fury was the first to break the stony silence.

"Have a seat, Stark." He said, his face once more emotionless as ever.

"No. There is a Norse god several floors above us that erupted into a full-blown panic attack just at the sight of the infirmary. While he may be unconscious now, there is also a rage machine several floors up that is barely clinging to control over the extent of Loki's injuries, and I do not believe he will manage to cling to that control when Loki wakes up. So _excuse me_ , but I will not have a seat." Tony growled out, barely keeping the lid upon his rage. Fury's eyelid twitched. Steve shifted in his seat, while Clint swallowed thickly. Natasha seemed impassive as ever; only the slight shine of guilt could be noticed in her eyes. Tony did not think he could manage to look at Thor without blowing up.

"You wanted to talk? Well, make it quick." Tony snapped, his eyes narrowing at Fury as he handed Tony a small remote.

"Banner sent us the scans, and you were there. Explain." Fury snapped right back.

"I hope you peeps didn't have lunch," Tony muttered as he turned to the screen behind him, but everyone heard it.


	5. Chapter 5

_When Tony walked through the black doors of the conference room, every Avenger went dead silent. Even Nick Fury paused midsentence, fixing Tony with an incredulous stare. On any other day, Tony would have been rolling on the floor laughing. He supposed a silent Tony Stark was a scary sight indeed. Tony could only imagine what his face looked like, as he had set it into an emotionless stare, though rage still burned in his eyes. Fury was the first to break the stony silence._

 _"Have a seat, Stark." He said, his face once more emotionless as ever._

 _"No. There is a Norse god several floors above us that erupted into a full-blown panic attack just at the sight of the infirmary. While he may be unconscious now, there is also a rage machine several floors up that is barely clinging to control over the extent of Loki's injuries, and I do not believe he will manage to cling to that control when Loki wakes up. So excuse me, but I will not have a seat." Tony growled out, barely keeping the lid upon his rage. Fury's eyelid twitched. Steve shifted in his seat, while Clint swallowed thickly. Natasha seemed impassive as ever; only the slight shine of guilt could be noticed in her eyes. Tony did not think he could manage to look at Thor without blowing up._

 _"You wanted to talk? Well, make it quick." Tony snapped, his eyes narrowing at Fury as he handed Tony a small remote._

 _"Banner sent us the scans, and you were there. Explain." Fury snapped right back._

 _"I hope you peeps didn't have lunch," Tony muttered as he turned to the screen behind him, but everyone heard it._

* * *

"I guess I'll start with the basics. According to the X-rays and scans, Loki has been tortured for roughly one year, judging by the date Thor gave us from when he fell from the impossible-colorful-magic-bridge," Tony began with a flat tone.

"There is not a single bone in his body that hs not been broken. Currently, his right wrist is fractured, along with numerous other healed breaks, with some bones providing evidence of multiple fractures. Bruce had to re-break three of Loki's ribs as they did not heal correctly and were dangerously close to puncturing his lungs again. I say again because both his lungs have evidence of poorly healed scar tissue from where they had been punctured either by his own ribs or a foreign object. Honestly, there are so many scars covering Loki's body...over 100. Some are old, some fresh, most are infected. The skin on his wrists...well it hardly exists, he's obviously pulled on whatever restraints he was in, as the same is true about his ankles. There are burn marks, mostly around his torso. Multiple stab wounds, I would say over 20. Extreme blood loss. He's very malnourished, around 40 pounds underweight, and severely dehydrated. There...there is evidence of multiple um, well he's been raped, a lot. Also extreme PTSD. I'm talking extreme. It's bad. And on top of that, he was obviously not allowed to sleep, whether that is intentional, forced, or both, I don't know. God or not, it's amazing he is alive. I have no idea what his mental state is, but I would say fucking, not good because it is plainly obvious that he was tortured, plainly obvious that some _shit_ happened in your stupid Ass-fucking-gard that scared him and from what I heard it _literally_ scared him, and on top of that I'm not even sure he was in control of his actions because his eyes are FUCKING GREEN NOT BLUE!"

By now Tony was screaming directly at Thor, face-to-face with the thunder god, cheeks crimson, anger blazing in his eyes. Then his voice when scarily calm, and he poked Thor's chest.

"Now you try and fucking tell me that Loki is playing a trick. Try, I fucking dare you. Try. Me." He growled, his eyes not once leaving Thor's. A heavy silence filled the room.

"That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me, and I don't give a shit if you don't, I have a god to tend to, because somehow I care more about him than his own brother, blood or not." Facing Fury, who looked rather sick, Tony gave a mock bow and snarled,

"Happy now?"

* * *

 **Short chapter my darlings, I know. But I wanted to give you all something. :)**

 **Don't worry, I'll be back soon!**

 **-Jade**


	6. Chapter 6

Thor stared in mute disbelief at the retreating form of Stark, his lips parted and his mouth dry. He rose slowly, ignoring the stares of the other Avengers as he walked to the screen in front of him, the Midgardian images of his little brother's broken body staring back at him. There was a cold numbness that filled his body as he raised a shaking hand to touch the image of Loki's face, covered in bruises and cuts, caked with dried blood and grime. He registers the Son of Rodgers mention something about mind control.

 _Mind Control_.

"We are fools." He murmured, turning slowly to face the others. The room quieted, yet Thor had not realized it had been loud. Natasha remained straight on her seat, her face slightly pale, arm resting on Clint's, who was leaning half over the table, eyes blazing and cheeks flushed. Thor quickly guessed he had been arguing with Steve, who was leaning back slightly, his face pale, eyes reflecting horror. Fury remained mostly impassive, yet his eyes burned with frustration. If possible, Thor's frown deepened. _Why would Fury be frustrated? Did he wish Loki evil?_

"Thor," Steve began, pity shining in his eyes.

"We are fools, yet I so much worse," Thor said again, head shaking slowly. He suddenly slammed his fist into the table, it splintered, collapsing into tinder on the floor, and Clint with it. Clint growled softly, picking himself up and brushing the dust from his clothes. He opened his mouth to speak, but Thor cut him off.

"Asgard is a planet where social status determines everything. To not be a warrior was...frowned upon. Loki never had any intention of becoming one. He spent his days in the library, studying all types of things along with his magic. I...I was a _fool_ and I sided with my friends, who were none too kind to him." Clint rolled his eyes.

"So he was bullied a bit, who cares? He tried to take an entire planet out! He brainwashed me into trying to kill everyone I care about!"Clint barked, rage clear in his tone.

"YOU DO NOT COMPREHEND MORTAL!" Thor bellowed, the fierce tone in his voice causing Clint to stumble back, Fury and Natasha reaching for their guns. Just as the rage had appeared, it was suddenly gone. Thor looked defeated, tired, and oh so guilty. His next words came as a mere whisper.

"Loki is a powerful sorcerer, and I dare say he is more powerful than my father, King of the Nine Realms. I am a _fool_ , as I did not care to think. If Loki wanted Midgard, he wouldn't even have to lift a finger, and the entire Nine Realms would crumble to dust at his feet. You _are_ like ants, myself included because we wouldn't even get a chance to fight, we would shatter like glass, kill ourselves trying to stop him, all the while Loki would not have even _broken a sweat."_

The room was dead silent. No one moved, except for Thor who slid to the floor, his head in his hands as he wailed, and no one stopped him.


	7. Chapter 7

_Don't you ever leave me alone_

 _My war is over_

 _Be my shelter from the storm_

 _My war is over_

 _I am a sad boy_

o0o

For a while, the broken debriefing room was silent save for Thor's tears. Fury was the first to break it.

"Are you telling me that if Loki decides he wants this planet or any planet, there is no way to stop him?" he asked slowly. Steve raised his head from it's bowed position.

"I guess we need to think of him as we should of Stark," Steve murmured, earning a few confused gazes in his direction.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Fury barked. Steve sighed, rising from his chair and beginning to pace the room as he spoke.

"I mean, I've been down in his lab before, and although I may not know much about technology, Stark once mentioned that he could take over the planet if he wanted to. He's got the tech for it and judging by this odd demonstration of care for Loki, he's certainly full of surprises."

"Our people loved Loki," Thor spoke softly, his voice raspy from tears.

"I thought you said they hated him; because he didn't want to be a warrior," Natasha questioned, her eyes distant.

"The royal court did, as well as all from the palace. My mother did not hate him, nay did the Lady Sigyn. They were the only ones. But our people loved Loki. He would bring them gifts and solve any problems they had. The time he did not spend studying in the library he spent with them. He taught the children to read. He helped around homes, he brought food to families. He was most beloved. It was during my coronation that he started to act of oddity. Loki was always the reasonable one. He always knew the correct solution to any problem that arose and was known for his quick tongue. He did not believe that I was ready to be King. I was a fool and thought badly of him. It was by then many years which I ridiculed him along with others. I did the same when he came to me with this confession and others of course. I did...terrible things to him. But after that day he acted oddly, like a different person. He tried to assassinate the Frost Giants, his newfound race. He then tried to take over Asgard. There was a great war between us, and in the end, we dangled from Gungnir held by my father over space. For a minute, Loki seemed like his old self, then he let go. 'Tis the first time I have seen him since. We thought him dead. Falling from the Bifrost is a forever fall. There is no bottom to space. We pronounced him dead and the court said horrible things about him. I was so angry that I did not defend him from the anger of the court nor the anger of my father. Yet another of my many great mistakes with Loki."

"What sort of horrible things did you do?" Clint asked, his voice was softer now.

"I...I fear if I speak these truths I will lose yet more friends today" Thor's voice was shaking, and he failed to meet the eyes of his teammates.

"He said again. He begged us not to sew his lips shut _again_. What did he mean?" Natasha's voice was filled with venom, eyes burning and fists clenching. To see Natasha Romanoff visibly affected by something as rare, and Clint kept a wary eye on her, unsure of what might happen next.

"I...it was a mistake. I was just following my father's wishes and the wishes of the court. Nay was my intention to bestow harm upon my brother!" Thor insisted, as though he were trying to convince himself of this information. Thor's pleas for understanding were met with silence.

"I-I cannot speak of this at now," Thor whispered backing away from their stony gazes, and out of the room. Fury growled, hurling the remote in his hand into the nearby corner. It smashed, the images on the screen fizzing out.

"So what the hell am I supposed to think? I have an angry Norse god with daddy-issues and the mental health equivalent of a teenage girl who can apparently take over the world in a few seconds whever-the-fuck he wants to just lay upstairs in Starks goddamned tower? What the fuck?" While Fury's raging confusion was justified, his word choice describing Loki rubbed the rest of the team in the wrong way; Natasha especially. Her gaze lifted to meet Fury's, standing forward while shrugging off Clint's concerned hand.

"Nat..." Clint warned softly, but he was ignored.

"Don't you dare speak of him that way." Her voice was icy, clearly threatening. "I saw his eyes, and you did too. We have all been through hell and back, and we all know that look. So don't you dare speak of him like that, because whatever happened to him was far worse than all our lives combined. None of us can even begin to imagine, so fuck off." With that, the team slowly streamed out of the room, Natasha's silent cue to exit somehow communicated to them all. All of the team members retreated to their separate floors, their minds clearly occupied with the broken god somewhere in the tower along with an overprotective Tony Stark and enraged Bruce Banner, the story only just beginning to unfold.


	8. Chapter 8

As Natasha left the briefing room, trailed by the remaining Avengers, Clint hurried to her side. His cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes burning with anger. She mentally sighed. She had expected Clint to be upset, yes, and rightfully so, but his burning rage had only seemed to grow in light of this new information. Clint was better than that, but right now he was behaving like a child.

"What the hell?" he yelled, voice horse and laden with betrayal. Natasha resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Regardless of Clint's behavior though, he was still her closest friend, and she did know that he could have an unbearable temper when things did not go his way. So instead, she simply raised an eyebrow, continuing in the direction of the elevators. The other Avengers followed suit.

"What, are you on his side now?" Clint barked, spreading his arms in a bewildered manner as he rushed to keep up with her, still drained from his ordeal. "Did you forget that he fucking took over my mind? Forced me to try and kill everyone I ever cared about?"

"No, Clint, I didn't forget that," Natasha spoke calmly, her eyes fixed ahead of her.

"Then why the fuck are you defending him?" Clint yelled. He was treading dangerously with her, and he knew that, but his anger was getting the best of him. Natasha abruptly stopped, turning to face him while the other Avengers stood awkwardly behind them.

"Clint, his mind was controlled too, far worse than you. He was also tortured," she explained, her voice level in hopes that her calmness might soothe him.

"And you actually believe that?" he retorted, though he seemed more accusing than anything.

"No," Natasha admitted, holding up her hand when Steve and Thor began to argue, "Not yet. Loki is a master of deception and from what Thor has just informed us is more powerful than we could ever imagine. He could easily have changed his eye color to deceive us into believing he was innocent and destroy us the second we turn our backs. But if he is innocent? If he was controlled this entire time just like you? Then he has been hated for horrible things that he didn't do. He has been tortured and forgotten about for a year. He has killed innocents and attempted to take over an entire planet all the while without wanting to. And from Thor's input, he has been through a lot more during his childhood. I'm can't make the decision to believe him or not until I know everything, and right now I don't." If the other Avengers were shocked at her odd display of emotion, they didn't comment. Everyone had been through a lot of shocks in the past few hours.

Clint didn't say anything in response, instead, he waited for Natasha to continue walking towards the elevators, and followed in stony silence.

* * *

When Tony arrived back at the medical wing of his tower he was greeted with the sound of harsh breaths and slight growling. He found Loki exactly where he had left him, limp on the bed, his face scarily pale against the white sheets. Bruce was sitting next to a large screen, his head in his hands and ears dark green as he took deep breaths.

"Brucie?" Tony ventured softly, coming to stand by Bruce's chair, peering at the screen in front of him. A small gasp escaped his lips as he stared at the image. It was Loki's back, covered in angry lines, some overlapping each other: whip marks. The lashes were in varying stages of healing, some looked old, shiny white scars while others were more recent, pink colors with white at the edges, and most were dark red. Underneath the scars was pale white skin that seemed tight. Loki's stomach was concave, Tony knew that from some fo the other images, and you could count his ribs, which seemed to be pressing underneath his skin ready to puncture it and leap out at any second. Tony felt sick just staring at it. _How long had Loki gone without food?_

"I want to hate him, for what he did to Loki," Bruce whispered, and Tony gathered that he was referring to Thor.

"What, did Loki wake up? Did he say something to you?" Tony questioned, unsure if he wanted to know the answer. Thor was his friend, but he couldn't ignore the broken god sleeping next to them. Friend or not, his actions were inexcusable.

"No, I-Tony just look at his wrists!" Bruce snapped, his eyes flashing green. Tony gently took Bruce's arm and pulled him to stand.

"Why don't you take a break Brucie, I got this. Take a breather, you did good." Tony assured Bruce's hesitant eyes, not wanting to risk the Hulk paying a visit. He hadn't been so happy with Loki last time they'd met.

"Yeah, yeah okay," Bruce agreed, walking slowly towards the door. When he reached it he looked back, uncertain.

"You'll call me...if things get messy...yeah?" he asked, staring at Loki's sleeping form. Tony nodded in response, giving Bruce two thumbs up. Bruce shook his head, but allowed himself to leave, the door closing behind him with a soft swish.

"JARVIS?" Tony called to the ceiling.

"Yes, sir?" came his companion's voice.

"Alert me if anyone tries to come in," Tony said, staring at the top of Loki's wrists. He didn't see anything besides the torn skin likely from struggling in restraints.

"Certainly, sir," JARVIS assured him.

Tony gently took one of Loki's wrists and turned it over, paling at what he saw. If the long scars that stretched across his wrists, clearly self-inflicted, weren't concerning enough, the lightning-shaped scars were. It looked as though Thor has grabbed his wrists with his powers. Suddenly Loki yanked his hand away, and Tony shrieked, jumping about a foot in the air and turning to meet Loki's wide eyes staring back at him. For a minute, both he and Loki stared at each other, before suddenly Tony was overwhelmed with the need to know.

"Thor...he-he did that to you, didn't he?" Tony whispered, his limbs feeling oddly heavy. For a long moment, Loki seemed to debate something in his head, before he nodded softly. Tony moaned, collapsing into the chair next to the god and placing his head in his hands. He sat there for a second before looking up again; Loki had been watching him the entire time.

"I'm sorry, I am so fucking sorry. I should have known, I-we should have-I mean, _Thor_ should have...I'm just so fucking sorry Loki," Tony struggled with the words. Loki just stared at him, before he spoke,

"You believe me?" he whispered, voice scratchy and shocked sounding, as though no one had ever believed him in his entire life. It was likely no one ever had. Tony nodded,

"I mean, yeah. Thor told us stories and I remember him describing you once, he said you had the greenest eyes he'd ever seen in "all the nine realms", which is true by the way. And I mean you never let go of that stupid staff thingy, and it had the mind stone which was blue and your eyes looked the same, just like Clint's. He said you would just stand there sometimes communicating with someone through it, and you always looked as though you were in pain afterward. Then you let go of the mind stone staff and suddenly boom, you wake up in the cell and I realize you're eyes are green as fuck and you...you had that look." Tony rambled, making wide sweeping motions with his hands.

Loki was shaking his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he whimpered, "Stop," Tony blinked, unsure of what he was doing that would warrant such a response.

"Stop what?" Tony prompted. He was never good at social situations, especially not emotionally-packed ones. But he wasn't lying when he'd said Loki had that look. Tony had been through torture, he knew what PTSD was like, and somehow he felt connected to Loki in an odd way he'd never felt before. He wasn't gonna screw this up.

Loki looked up at Tony, desperation in his eyes. "This is not real, I know it! Nothing is real, you are too kind to me to be real! Any moment you will be Thor or Frigga but I know you're not real! No one could ever care for a monster!" his voice had risen to a shriek.

"Loki, hey I swear I'm real! I don't know how to prove it to you but I'm real! Use your magic or something, I believe you." There were tears flooding Loki's eyes, and for a minute he seemed to consider Tony's words, but then he shook his head, turning to face away from Tony, shoulders shaking slightly.

"Leave me alone," he whispered. Tony sighed softly and backed away from Loki.

"Okay, I will. But I'm coming back later, I promise," he assured the god. Tony wasn't sure how to articulate the emotional pain he felt when he heard Loki give a broken chuckle and say, "They always promise,"


	9. Chapter 9

Tony stayed true to his promise. Exiting the door to the infirmary he told JARVIS not to let anyone else in besides Bruce or himself. He plopped down in a chair outside, wishing for coffee and an excuse to run away from everything. He sat staring into space for all of 26 seconds before he whipped out his Starkpad, beginning to make some security modifications to the Tower and send in requests to fix the hole in his floor. JARVIS alerted him that the other Avengers, minus Bruce, were making their way up to the infirmary by elevator, and he inwardly groaned, dreading having to face their questions and judgment.

He wanted a nap.

As promised, the elevator doors from down the hallway chimed, and out strode Natasha, face impassive as ever, followed by a red-faced Clint and solemn-looking; Thor and Steve. Natasha stopped next to Tony's chair and took a seat in front of him, leaning down to that her elbows touched her knees and propping her head up with her hands. Steve and Tony remained standing to the side awkwardly until they also took their seats. Tony didn't look up, instead focusing on the Starkpad in his hands, frowning: he'd forgotten to fill the only coffee pot on this floor. _Crap._

Steve was the first to speak, clearing his throat before he asked in a hushed voice, "How is he?" Tony sighed dramatically, finally looking up and shutting down the Starkpad,

"Fucked," was all he offered in response, not in the mood to be compliant. Steve huffed, "Seriously Tony, how is he?"

"I dunno," Tony answered honestly, "he doesn't believe anything I'm telling him, keeps saying that nothing is real,"

"Let me talk to him," came Natasha's voice. Tony frowned, "Are you going to fuck with his head, 'cause I'm telling you that's the last thing he needs," Clint scoffed. Natasha said nothing, only stared at Tony, expression firm. Tony sighed, this time for real, and stood up, walking to the door.

"Everyone else, get out, go somewhere, get shitfaced, I don't care just don't be here," Tony snapped, surveying the room. Clint opened his mouth to argue, but Steve simply guided his shoulder towards the exit, pushing Thor along too.

"We'll come back later," he assured and Tony rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, whatever," before opening the door for Natasha.

* * *

When Natasha walked into the infirmary, shutting the door beside her despite Tony's glare, she was met with a very different Loki than she'd seen in battle. He was laying in a hospital bed wearing a white medical gown and covered by a thin white blanket, though the edges were stained slightly with blood. His hair wasn't as slicked back as it had been when she'd last seen him, and although it desperately needed to be washed it framed his face quite nicely. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, which were haunted and stared at her with an aura of fear and suspicion.

"Hello, Loki," Natasha greeted him, glancing over the screens in the corner of the room to get a grasp on his injuries. He offered no response. Tony had sarcastically suggested that she change his bandages, as it had been some time, and while Natasha knew he hadn't been serious, she decided to do so. She pulled the wheeled medical tray from beside Loki's bed closer to her, settling down in a chair beside him. Loki's eyes were fixed to the tray, wide and terrified.

"Please, I'm sorry," he whimpered, and Natasha quickly gathered that he thought she was attempting to harm him. She shook her head, giving him a warm smile, "I'm not going to hurt you Loki, I just want to change your bandages, but only if that's okay with you," she added the last part as an afterthought, and when his eyes filled with confusion her answer to Clint's earlier question became clear in her mind: Loki was innocent, she didn't even have to ask.

"We don't have to do that if you're not comfortable with it," she assured him, pushing the tray away to emphasize her point. For a second Loki hesitated, and then, as though testing the waters, he whispered, "I-I don't want to, please,"

Natasha nodded and gave him another comforting smile as she pushed the tray further away. She returned to her seat with another blanket, offering it to the god who accepted.

"Why are you being nice to me? I just tried to kill you," Loki asked, his voice scratchy. Natasha handed him a paper cup full of water, only to have it eyed suspiciously by Loki.

"It's not poisoned," she assured him. "And actually, correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think _you_ actually did," Loki's eyes filled with tears, "I'm sorry," he cried. "I-I should have been stronger...I should have...I know I should have I-I just wanted it to stop...I'm so sorry please!" Before Natasha could formulate a response Tony's voice behind her cut in as he quickly strode over to the chair on Loki's other side.

"It's not your fault." He said, his tone once again serious. Natasha took pride in the way she carried herself. She was dark, mysterious, and she never let people know what was going on underneath. That was how she learned to survive, and they had made sure she learned that in the Red Room. Her display of emotion had been a failure on her part, and it scared her. She wasn't supposed to feel, she wasn't supposed to react. But perhaps what unerrved her the most was Tony Stark. She had falsely assumed he had no serious side to him. He had nothing to fight for besides Pepper but even then he'd let Pepper slip through his fingers and showed no care in the world. After the time she spent with him she'd assumed his torture had broken any fragment of normality with him and assumed he would always remain the arrogant, selfish playboy he always was. But his seemingly random protective streak had thrown her for a loop. She wasn't supposed to miss these things. She was supposed to be one step ahead of everyone all the time. But Tony had done a complete 180 without a single warning and he didn't seem to be backing down. She needed to get a hold of herself.

Natasha rose slowly, nodding her head to Tony to silently tell him she'd gotten what she'd needed. Loki was innocent. Another thing she had missed. She silently left the infirmary to report her findings to Fury. She knew he trusted her judgement. Without this knowledge he might attempt something against Loki, and if what Steve and Thor said was true, the last thing they needed was both Tony and Loki on the other side.

* * *

With Natasha gone, Tony felt he could speak freely. He couldn't mess this up. Pepper had tried, she really had. But she didn't understand. No one did. Tony knew part of that was his own fault, it always was. He could have just talked to her. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't risk loosing her. Of course he had, in a way, after all. But if he'd told her how screwed up he was, Tony was sure he would have lost her sooner. Instead, he rode out the panic attacks on his own, the nightmares alone, the breakdowns in the shower because he just _couldn't_ stand the feel of water on his head, the days of no sleep and copious amounts of coffee, the months when it would take all the strength he had just to hold a few bites of food down because everything tasted like sand and paper and blood in his mouth. He'd sufferred alone and he'd wanted to die and no one had been there to hold him. Loki would not have to be alone ever again.

"It's not your fault." He repeated when Loki opened his mouth to protest. "I promise." Loki snarled in response.

"How would you know? I shouldn't have broken but I'm weak! That's all I've ever been and now your planet payed the price! Th-Thor he knew! He knew! He hated me! I was weak and he knew! They all knew! He knew!" Loki was shrieking again, tugging at his hair as he wailed. Tony swallowed thickly before he gently pried Loki's hands away from his hair.

"Let me go! Let me go! Please! Please let me go!" He was screaming now, red-tinged spit flying from his mouth as he squirmed and struggled against Tony's hold.

"Loki, stop please you're gonna hurt yourself," Tony cautioned, keeping his light grip above the injuries on Loki's wrists.

"I-I was tortured once too." Tony blurted out, cursing himself for saying anything at first until Loki stilled, chest heaving and blood beginning to show through the bandages but at least he'd stopped struggling.

"I-I've never...I've never told anyone about it. I didn't want them to..I dunno I'm not good with words, I'm sorry but I want to do this right. I, I didn't want them to look at me differently. It-it wasn't as bad as what you had to go through, and not nearly as long. Um, I was in Afghanistan. I used to build missels and stuff for the Air Force. Um, that's like our army, er-warriors maybe, but they fly with machines in"

"I know what your Air Force is. I've kept up with the histories of all the realms, I'm not daft like Thor." Loki interjected softly. Tony brightened somewhat.

"Oh good, that makes shit easier. Well, uh, okay, so my company used to make missels for the Air Force and I was in Afghanistan testing the Jericho middle for the Air Force. It was successful, so we were traveling back to the Bagram Air Base. We were attacked by a terrorist group, um, they were called the..the Ten Rings." Tony cleared his throat. "Um, well I tried to make a run for it, but one my own missels detonated...near me. Um. I-I woke up..I-in a cave." He clenched his fists. "And-and I-I remember a little bit, bits and pieces of the operation. They did open-heart surgery on me without any anesthesia. I-I remember screaming and-and it..oh god it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad. I-I woke up, and they'd...they'd hooked me up to an car battery that kept the shrapnel from reaching my heart." He tapped the arc reactor. "This, um, we made this later on. We, uh, Ho Yinsen." Tony squeezed his eyes shut and buryied his head in his hands. There was a moment when all he could hear was his harsh breathing, before a soft poke on his hand startled him.

"You don't have to tell me." Loki whispered. Tony stared at him, and saw something he hadn't expected; understanding. But he needed Loki to understand _why_.

"Yes, yes I do. Yinsen...he, he and I build the arc reactor so I wouldn't have to carry the car battery everywhere with me. They wanted us to build them a Jericho missel for them. I-I said no. I couldn't. So, they took me, um, and they shoved my head underwater and held it there...I-until-I-I oculdn't..I thought I was going to die and the car battery kept sparking and they wouldn't let me breathe and" Tony takes another deep breath before he continues. "I said yes. I had to make it stop. But they were stupid, and Yinsen and I build the Iron Man suit instead. But...he didn't make it out." Tony focused on taking deep breaths. There was silence for a few moments.

"Why did you tell me that?" Loki asked softly. There was no malice in his voice, only curiosity and that soft understanding. Tony sighed.

"Because, um, well when I got home, I didn't tell anyone. I mean, they knew. Fury did at least. I told him the bare minimum and denied the offer for therapy and I shut Pepper, um, we were, something I guess, I shut her out. I couldn't tell them, I couldn't say it, I couldn't risk them leaving. I thought they would think I was weak, or, I dunno I guess. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I shut myself in my lab and that was that. I couldn't go _near_ water. Later, when it wasn't so fresh, when I could...when I could walk into the bathroom again, I would see my reflection at night and...I saw the same look in your eyes. And, that was hell. I wish I'd had someone but I..." Tony swallowed. "I won't let you do that alone." He finished softly, staring at his hands. There was silence, then a soft sniffle. Then another. Suddenly Loki was sobbing again.

"I'm always alone!" He cried, wrapping his arms around himself. Tony shook his head, bit his lip, and gently embraced the god. Loki tensed at first, shaking, before he melted in Tony's arms and sobbed.

"Not anymore Loki."

 **Hurray! I'm sorry I took so long to upload this chapter! I'm trying hard to keep Tony in character while still revealing his soft side. As always I appreciate any suggestions you have! Thank you all for reading! :D**


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